1506sewage

The day the poop bag broke.

Posted on Posted in Poop

Do you know what a diaper pail is? If you’re here, you probably have a kid or one on the way – so you’ve probably at least considered buying one.

Just in case – it is a type of garbage pail that is hermetically sealed, or at least that’s what they aim for. You keep it in your infant’s room. And as the name implies, you put diapers in it.

Dirty, poop-filled diapers.

Fact: New born kids poop a lot. 6, 7, maybe 10 times each day.*

Generally pretty tiny (obviously), but frequent. And LOUD.

Doing a little quick math – that’s a lot of diapers.

Fiction: Baby poop does not smell.

People will say this to you. I’ve probably said this to you. Technically it might be true for a couple of days after birth. But then you start to smell just a little something off. It’s not totally foul yet.**

No, each poop by itself isn’t too bad.

But, that’s a lot of diapers that all smell a little. 

In a somewhat sealed container, but one that you have to open 6-10 times a day to shove a new diaper in. And you will be shoving.

Because remember – this diaper pail is important during the period of your life where you’re dead exhausted, stupid confused, and reinventing the meaning of every thing in your life from brushing your teeth to going to the movies to gettin’ away with the boys.

In other words – you’re not going to empty that diaper pail as frequently as you should. Because when it’s closed, you can’t smell it.

But when you open it. Holyfuckingshit. The smell hits you like a brick. But a brick that is slightly soft on the outside, because the smell is a cloying, and unfamiliar…

because where else would you be confronted with the smell of 70 poop-filled diapers cooking in a mostly air-tight container for several days?

The Heat.

The worst part, I think, is the day or two leading up emptying the diaper pail. When you push in those last few diapers, you’ve got to shove down. And it’s hot in there – the noticable heat of decomposing poop in a compressed, almost air tight compartment. It’s like the heat and the smell are reaching up your arm to pull you in.

And then the hard center of that brick hits you just as you slam the pail closed, another deposit complete.

Finally, garbage emptying day.

Eventually you have to do it. Be careful. Our pail is an oval cylinder. Near the top are some poorly located screw heads. So as I jimmy and shake this nuclear bag of poop out, it’s always a challenge to get it out whole.

A challenge I recently lost, I’m horrified to say. The other day I got a full bag length tear – and the sudden removal of resistance as I was pulling up…well, suddenly it was raining down diapers all around.

Dirty, poop filled diapers.

Don’t rip the bag.

*This includes 3 middle of the night poops, one of which is the diaper leak poop. This one gets the outfit, the baby, the swaddle, the sheet and eventually, you, covered in poop.

**I can’t remember exactly when the foulness starts, but I can tell you that by the time our daughter was one her shit was smelling like a truck stop rest room on Free Taco Tuesday. 

 

 

Matt

Matt

I'm a middle aged computer drone, pasty and soft from desk work. Rode the subway for 15 years and now livin' the suburban dream. Tomorrow is recycling day.

I drive a minivan and ride a motorcycle.

Enjoying the piss out of parenting - 2 kids, a girl born in 2013 and a boy in 2015.
Matt

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