2016-01-26 23.53.20

Potty Training Layover

Posted on Posted in Lessons, Poop

The older kid, she’s potty training. The beginning I’d say. Not because it just started, but because there is a lot of road left to drive. We’ve been working on it awhile.

She seems stuck in a weird middle ground. She’s got two moves, and neither of them are “use the tiny pink toilet we bought for you.”

Move One

Sometimes she’ll be standing there and just get busy. She will lie right to your face that it’s not going down. There is no hiding it though, no doubt it’s happening. The face screws up…she leans in…her voice is just a little…hesitant…raspy…as she bears down.

GROSS – someone is standing there talking to you and POOPING! It is both terrible and fascinating and I can only sometimes look away.

Move Two

And then other times she’s loud and proud. This is more typical when we have company. She’ll yell with the volume all the way up to ten, “I’m going poop!” and jog off for a little privacy.

But she doesn’t understand hiding or privacy very well. Currently her number one spot for going number two is wedged behind the door of a kitchen cabinet. Pulling it closed. Not all the way in the cabinet, just kind of standing behind it.

Right behind me is another one – particularly if I’m stuck in a chair feeding her brother. About a foot away, but out of my sight line. Or she’ll just move a little bit away, into another room, and forbid anyone to come her way.

My mom has reminded of a story that I used to, from time to time, poop in my neighbors shrubs…so I’m really hoping we get this sorted by the thaw.

You’d think she might actually like the bathroom experience if she’d give it a whirl.

No matter the move, though, a human being just pooped their pants in your general vicinity.

It’s no longer the tiny poops of the infant. It’s the straight up terror of an open-air adult poop in your house. Or your car. Or the living room of the neighbor that you just met.

The smell is horrific. My cute little angel drops deuces like a Grand Champion Arbes Food Tester.

Never underestimate the power of a toilet to quench the stench. Because this kid pooping in her diaper wrecks the whole house. Just wrecks it.





I'm a middle aged computer drone, pasty and soft from desk work. Rode the subway for 15 years and now livin' the suburban dream. Tomorrow is recycling day.

I drive a minivan and ride a motorcycle.

Enjoying the piss out of parenting - 2 kids, a girl born in 2013 and a boy in 2015.

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