Everyone got sick.

I write this note through bloodshot eyes. My skin jaundiced with exhaustion, my hair (more) disheveled, my clothes (more) crumpled. Friends, I have passed through fire and I fear it’s the first of many. A pandemic has swept through my house like the ride of the apocalypse and now…I fear its inevitable return. What happened? […]

Wait…I have to clean what up?

I haven’t thrown up in a while. More than 10 years. My last time was not illness related – for better or worse my stomach is pretty iron clad. But there was a period of time, however, that I seemed to occasionally find myself in bars with spoiled ice cubes and poisonous shot glasses. And […]

“I want my mommy”

Future Dads– get comfortable having your parenting skills scoffed at. It might come from your parents, or your in-laws, or the neighbors, or your lady, or random people you see at the grocery store. Anyone, maybe everyone, is going to think you can’t hack it. You’ll be considered a babysitter not a parent. People will […]

Love thy nanny

Oh yeah – I write this parenting blog every week and we are rocking a nanny. You should get one too. They do the heavy lifting. I know a family that has TWO. They are just like people before kids, with all their free time and their sleep. I hate them. I assume this is common […]

Thank god it’s Frida

When you’re first getting used to the constant, neurotic checking to see if your kid is still breathing, you learn to get comfortable with the extremely loud, frequent noises they make. They snuffle, sniff and snore more than drunk Santa. You’ll start to be able to read the noises. You’ll know if a cry is coming, because it […]

Oh yeah, we got a minivan.

We studied up on the cliche, and we said, yep, that seems fine. We had the 2 kids, fled the city, squared up in a little house in the suburbs. We do not have a white picket fence, but our neighbor two houses down sure does. So, the minivan. Our pre-baby friends, those that have hung in […]

Potty Training Layover

The older kid, she’s potty training. The beginning I’d say. Not because it just started, but because there is a lot of road left to drive. We’ve been working on it awhile. She seems stuck in a weird middle ground. She’s got two moves, and neither of them are “use the tiny pink toilet we […]

What do giraffes sound like?

Everyone knows you gotta read to the kids. We started with those fabric books, with baby chew toys hanging off of them and lots of textures. They’re all right. Not much to the story line, but they really activate my senses, you know? Then we moved up to the cardboard ones – not meant to […]

Like the “AY” in OKAY.

I generally do not mind having nothing to do. I love it. I’ve got a book, I’ve got a little TV to catch up on, I’m always down for a snack. I’m also pretty good at getting something done when I want to get it done. I like to solve problems and learn new things. But I have […]

Pictures are (one of my) problem(s).

Plain and simple, it’s too easy to take and store pictures. I became a dad 2 years ago. I have since taken almost 10,000 pictures. No shit. 10,000. Is there a slowdown for the second kid? Sure. We’ll have less of him. But still, something’s wrong. Clearly I’m neurotic and I take too many pictures. […]